On Models

"When did all the men get together and decide that they would only get it up for giraffes with big breasts?"

-Miranda Hobbes, Sex and the City

New Year's Resolutions

New Year's Resolutions. Why do we make them? They are broken before the end of January anyways. Be honest! How many New Year's Resolutions have you actually kept? Is the New Year really your fresh start?

The best resolutions that are more likely to be kept are those made in mid-year. Less pressure, I guess.

Strategy

When guys like you and are thinking about making a move, they can tend to start with a hug to see how you will react. If things go horribly, at least they were able to cop one feel.

Back-to-work blues

To quote Blink 182: "Work sucks! I know!"

It's not that I hate my job. I like it. It's just work always puts me in a bad mood after holidays.

I never get everything that I want accomplished over the holidays, not even half of what I want to get done. Between visiting with family members and putting together those "some assembly required" Christmas gifts, time evaporates into thin air.

By the time you turn your home into a disaster on some reorganizing mission, it's time to go back to work. And your place will stay a disaster until summer vacation now.

I need at least one more week off to finish my little missions turned disasters.

Got Milk??

I used to be a die hard two per cent milk drinker. Skim milk was like water. It was gross.

But eventually I weaned myself off the fatty two per cent, first switching to one per cent and then finally to skim.

Now there is no going back. Since I haven't had two per cent in a while, it is stunningly thick. When you use two per cent, it's like a cow threw up in your cereal.

I find people are sensitive about their milk percentages. People can't erratically jump around from skim to two per cent. You are one or the other - hard core.

Going from two per cent to skim is in some ways like quitting smoking. Except milk isn't addictive or harmful, unless it contains the cancer-causing bovine hormone.

Hugs and Kisses

Why is it the one day you sleep in, skip the shower and deodorant to get to work on time, is the one day the guy you like gives you a big holiday hug?

Hugs and Kisses

Why is it the one day you sleep in, skip the shower and deodorant to get to work on time, is the one day the guy you like gives you a big holiday hug?

Moo!

Over the last year and a half, I have been drinking milk that comes in a plastic carton.

Once you do this there is no going back to the cardboard carton. You can taste the cardboard. And it's terrible. It's like the milk's gone bad.

Drugs

"Maybe all men are a drug. Sometimes they get you down and sometimes they get you so high!" -Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Holiday Vortex

Holidays. They suck me into a vortex. I disappear from my friends. I even forgot I had a blog.

After the turkey has been eaten, I dive into "around the house" projects, in a mad effort to get them done before it's back to work again. There is never any rest to be had, even on my days off.

Unwelcome News!

When being single, and having to face up to the usual family Christmas conversation that revolves around the spinster-tragedy that is your life, there is no worse news then that from a recently engaged colleague.

She writes: "I am so happy. I hope everyone's holidays are going as well as mine."

Rub it in a little more.

Unwelcome News!

When being single, and having to face up to the usual family Christmas conversation that revolves around the spinster-tragedy that is your life, there is no worse news then that from a recently engaged colleague.

She writes: "I am so happy. I hope everyone's holidays are going as well as mine."

Rub it in a little more.

Boxing Day

Elbows up and weave through the crowds. Stand in hour long line ups to get into stores. Line up some more to try things on and then to pay.

A day lost to the mall. Is it worth it? Bargain prices on things you wouldn't normally buy.

Love is work.

Why do movies give us false hope that we will find true love?

Maybe love exists, but it is not like the movies.

Real love takes work, sacrifice, compromise. It is living with and putting up with someone who is not quite perfect, sometimes annoying, but lovable nonetheless.

There is no such thing as the perfect man or woman. Do we lower our standards to find love?

Happy endings are endings that haven't really ended yet.

Disappointment

"What do you get when you fall in love? A guy with a pin to burst your bubble. That's what you get for all your trouble. I'll never fall in love again."-Burt Bacharach and Hal David

Sunday Night Lights

When a guy asks you out on a Sunday night date what does that mean?

He couldn't squeeze you in on Friday or Saturday because of all the other friends and women in his life?

Are you the third string date that only gets to play during the post-game cool-down scrimmage?

Is it because he wants to drop you off early. Work the next day is an excuse to get rid of you.

What do Sunday nights mean?

Christmas Cards

The act of sending Christmas cards makes you think about who your friends really are.

There are those you send Christmas cards to without question: your best friends who have been there over the years, family members, etc.

But what about those in your address book who you have not spoken to in years. Should you send them a Christmas card? Would it be a pleasant surprise for them to receive the card in the mail? Or is it pathetic on your part to attempt to revive an old friendship with a card? Is it a waste of time? You know that person won't even return your act of kindness with a simple phone call to say hello. But do you send them a card anyway?

Do you send a card to that all but forgotten acquaintance you run into in the mall a few weeks before Christmas? Do you send cards to your enemies to show you can turn the other cheek?

Why not just send cards to everyone you know? Every name you can think of and every person you can track down. It's a way to say that you are thinking of them and the roll they played in your life.

Uncertainty

"Jump right in! That's what they say. That's how you start . . . But how deep is it? How cold . . . Plunge right in! That's what they say. There's a temporary loss of self, craving balance . . . Grapple with chaos . . . Why bother?" -Alison Lohans

True Love

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - When Harry Met Sally

Loser Games

Why do girls date losers?

They don't want to at first. But it's the guy's ability to listen and pay attention to details that wins women over. It is their initial kindness too.

The guy's attention boosts the girl's ego. And before she knows it, she's in too deep.

Some of these geeks can be as scheming as the good looking ones. The geeky, ugly ones know that a woman can be won over. Once the ugly ones have what they want, and the chase is over, the ugly ones leave or become jerks, just like the good looking ones. The ugly one does the guy thing guys like to do after they get what they want.

And the girl is extra embarrassed because she's been duped by a geek.

Trend

We must ask ourselves why.

"Every woman has felt embarrassed by appearing too needy with a man. Every woman has had a man pursue her, only to lose interest the minute she gave in. Every woman knows what it feels like to be taken for granted. These problems are common to most women, married and single alike," wrote California radio personality Sherry Argov.

It's true and we must simply shake our heads. It's a sad world out there.

Regret

"You got up out of bed. You said you had a lot of work to do. But I heard the rest in your head. And almost immediately I felt sorry. 'Cause I didn't think this would happen again . . . with or without my best intentions" - Liz Phair

Cynical Much?

"Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'" -Rita Rudner

Frustration

Why are there like a billion books out there on how a woman needs to behave or act in order to keep a man?

Where are all the books for men? How come men aren't encouraged to change their behavior to get and keep a woman. Surely, most men want meaningful relationships. If all the women got together and withheld sex, men would change their nonchalant behaviour.

The Rules for men could be as follows:

1. Quit being an indecisive moron and commit a yes or no to a relationship. You either want her or you don't. Quit playing games and give her a straight answer so she can get on with her life.

2. Treat her like she is special. Afterall, she is kind enough to sleep with you, even though you are an overweight and slightly balding ogre.

3. Grow up. You are a 35-year-old accountant, not an 18-year-old rock star. Even if you could have every woman in the world, sex is meaningless after a while if you don't have a relationship to back it up.

4. Don't be a jerk. If you're out late or something call. Let her know.

Women are always being told we're needy. No. We just want to be treated with human decency. Why does society let men get away with such bad behaviour?

Women are getting married later and later. Why? Because they are realizing a lot of men out there are immature. Women don't have to tolerate it anymore.

Back in the day, before equal rights, women had to marry stunted rejects in order to survive.

Now that women can support themselves, a woman can shop around for a grown-up.

You've Got Mail

The worst invitations to get in the mail when you are single are the ones that say "You and one guest are invited to..."

It always sucks to have to RSVP and say: "It will just be me."

You've Got Mail

The worst invitations to get in the mail when you are single are the ones that say "You and one guest are invited to..."

It always sucks to have to RSVP and say: "It will just be me."

Winter fun.

I think red light cameras should be turned off on snowy days when road conditions are poor.

Do you know how many people slide through these intersections because of ice? Probably lots. And these people probably dispute their tickets in court and some of them probably win.

It's a big waste of tax payers' money. So keep the red light cameras off during the winter.

Fatal Attraction

Apparently, the easiest way to make a woman who is a six look like a 10 is to act jealous when your man checks her out.

Instead, it is best to act like you don't even notice her. Just act like everything is normal and cool. Continue to carry on the conversation and he'll think you're the 10.

Fatal Attraction

Apparently, the easiest way to make a woman who is a six look like a 10 is to act jealous when your man checks her out.

Instead, it is best to act like you don't even notice her. Just act like everything is normal and cool. Continue to carry on the conversation and he'll think you're the 10.

Junk Mail

I don't know about you, but I get a ridiculous amount of junk mail.

Andy Rooney suggests we take our random junk mail and send it to the credit card companies with the stamped envelopes they enclose when they send us pre-approved applications.

You would basically be sending them junk mail on their dime.

Rooney also suggests to occasionally send the envelope back empty just to keep them guessing.

"Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits."

It's mean, but it's funny.

Honestly!

The truth hurts. No truer words have ever been spoken.

So should you hold back from telling the truth?

Sometimes telling people the truth motivates them to change for the better. That's why Dr. Phil got so popular. He just tried to tell it like he saw it.

Yet when you tell the truth, the honest truth, you will be criticized for doing so.

If telling the truth is so bad, why do some people get offended when you tell them a little white lie.

Do you say the truth:

"My significant other isn't at the party, because he can't stand you. He thinks you're all a bunch of pretentious losers."

Or the lie:

"My significant other had to work tonight."

Is lying so bad?

If we told the truth all the time, we would have more enemies than friends.

True Dat!

"We were having one of those great first dates you can only have when it's not an actual date." -Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

We've all been there.

Meaning??

"All is fair in love and war."

Is it? For the most part, people can do whatever they want. Nothing is stopping them. Yeah, sure they might have to deal with the consequences later.

But what is fair to you might not be fair to the other person.

Is it fair to have an affair? Well maybe to you. Maybe you needed a break from the everyday as your wife was struggling with the grief of her dead mother. But was it fair of you to turn your back on her?

You can be persistent when it comes to winning a person's heart. It is only fair that you exercise your freedom of speech regarding how you feel. But it is not fair to the other person, when you don't respect their right to say no.

So do you worry about fairness for yourself or the other person?

Hot and cold.

Why is the weather cruel and unusual? Minus 30 for a few weeks, then a few days of plus five and then back down to minus 25.

While I appreciate the warm days, they are just a slight tease. Getting you out of the habit of plugging in your car and always carrying your hat and mitts. Your body might have been getting accustomed to the cold weather, but the warmer weather takes that immunity away. When the cold hits again, it's as shocking as the first time.

Deep Thought!

"None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe they are free." - Goethe

Hot or Not?

"Sex appeal is 50 per cent what you've got, and 50 per cent what people think you've got" -Sophia Loren

Hot or Not?

"Sex appeal is 50 per cent what you've got, and 50 per cent what people think you've got" -Sophia Loren

Motivations

"Women need a reason for having sex. Men just need a place." - City Slickers

Addiction

Love is like cocaine.

It affects a single pathway in the brain that is activated by the hormone dopamine.

Neurologists have compared the brain scans of those in love with those on drugs. It turns out drugs and love activate the same brain regions.

"Romantic love is such a euphoric 'high,' because it produces craving, obsession, compulsion, distortion of reality, emotional and physical dependence, personality change and loss of self-control.

Many psychologists regard romantic love as an addiction -- a positive addiction when your love is returned, a horribly negative fixation when your love is spurned and you can't let go," said anthropologist Helen Fisher.

Waking Life

Do you ever have dreams so intense that they feel real?

You shut your alarm off just so you can see how the dream will end.

It is the most amazing dream you have ever had. When you wake up you feel like you have to tell everyone you know about the dream. And then a little later on that morning, it's like; "Wait a minute. That wasn't a cool dream. That was stupid. What was I thinking?"

How could you have ever got so worked up about such a dream?

But you tell the dream to someone else anyway. Sure, enough they look at you like you are stupid.

Why did you even bother to tell the dream to someone else? Listening to other people's dreams can be boring.

We just can't seem to be able to relate to one another's dreams.

Censorship

"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" -High Fidelity

Here kitty, kitty, kitty.

My cat's hobbies include starring out the window, fighting long flowing red ribbons, throwing a ball from foot to foot, sitting in deep thought from the shallow depths of the bathtub, eating and sleeping.

What does she do when I'm not home? I have no idea. She doesn't seem to need me to keep entertained.

In the wild, would my cat's life be any better? What do wild cats do? Dodge traffic, hunt prey, eat, ward off predators - be they human or other animals - and sleep.

Often, when I watch Animal Planet, lions always seem to laze about.

Aside from the threat of real dangers, are wild cats any different from house cats?

Grrr.

C'est la vie.

That expression translates into "life sucks sometimes."

Like when you have plans to get all this work done, but your Internet goes down.

Or you're in a hurry to get to work. You're half way there when you realize you forgot that important report you slaved over all weekend on the kitchen table. You need it for your morning meeting and you have to go back for it.

C'est la vie. Life sucks . . . Sometimes.

Who knows why?

We never learn

"Didn't your mother tell you that sex leads to things like dating?" - Frasier Crane to Roz in an episode of Frasier

Sex Like a Man

How come men will sleep with you and not be interested in a relationship afterwards?

It's insulting to the women men sleep with. Women are not objects for gratification.

How come women can't have sex without forming some kind of deeper attachment? It's in our chemical making. It's called oxytocin and it isn't fair.

Disappearing act!

The greatest mystery in life is where our socks go.

I keep single socks in a drawer in hopes that their missing match will one day return. And sometimes they do.

I have individual socks that go missing for weeks and then show up in the laundry basket unexpectedly one day. The basket had been emptied several times while the sock was MIA. How it suddenly returned? I don't know.

One time a sock showed up inside my winter jacket, even though I typically hang my coat up and it goes no where near my laundry. What was with that? I don't know.

What sort of journeys do our socks go on? What sort of adventures do they have?

Keep your feet on the ground.

Why are we always falling?

We fall in love. We fall out of love. We fall apart. We fall into depression. We fall away. We fall back. We fall in. We can literally or metaphorically fall flat on our face.

What does it mean to fall? It doesn't always lead to bruising.

In my dictionary, there are well over 21 definitions for the word fall.