What girls really dislike are the beginning of relationships where guys just hang out with them on unofficial dates. The guy could questionably be interested in her. And their hanging out time could be seen as a date.
The girls want to seem casual so they don't ask where the relationship is going and the guys don't want to take responsibility for any feelings being developed.
And, if the relationship does not get off the ground, the girl wonders if the guy just decided that he didn't like her? Or was he too chicken to ask her out? Did he eventually give up? Did she not help him along enough? Should she have asked him out herself?
Hanging out time is confusing and frustrating for girls.
7 comments:
I've often been in this situation (which is why it is on my list of things to do do again) but "Should she have asked him out herself?" is not the answer. I've done that and then no matter how long you do or do not date, this is always brought up - that you asked them out.
The Mad Dater,
"Because there's a Bastard in all of us"
oops - that's "list of things NOT to do"
Yeah, the hanging out situation is difficult, because in someways it can seem necessary to get the relationship going, but it can really start to go no where fast, much to my annoyance.
I don't believe that the girl should do the asking out either. I don't know why, but if I do the asking out the relationship is destined to failure.
I think guys (no matter what they say otherwise) need the validation of the chase. However, when the relationship seems to not be starting, sometimes it feels like the girl should make the first move, if the guy is taking too long.
Patience is a difficult virtue.
I disagree. Hanging out is where it's at, especially for kids in my age range (that is, in college). If you ask a girl on a formal date, it's a really big deal, because no one our age goes on formal dates. And so it's a big deal, it's a lot of pressure, all her friends ask her about it and all your friends ask you about it, and if it was a bad first date and you don't ask her again people treat it like a breakup or something. Hanging out all the way.
Joseph,
I can appreciate that just hanging out takes all the pressure off. Believe me, I've asked out guys. I've been on formal dates.
Formal dates, in the beginning of a relationship, are totally uncomfortable and almost painful(even if things are going well). But they are necessary.
When a guy asks a girl to just hang out, the girl is always thinking: "Where is this going?" "Does he want to just be friends?" "Is this a date?"
And she's having these discussions with her friends too.
Hanging out causes us girls to analyze the situation even more.
And when the guy decides to stop hanging out, it's bad. Not only does the guy not want to date you (if dating was indeed what was going on), he also doesn't want to be your friend (if he was just being a friend).
Hanging out is a mixed message.
Girls like formal dates opposed to hanging out, even if they end badly. Because at least we know what's going on.
Mixed messages? It's not as if women never send mixed messages...
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