Help

What I've learned throughout my life is that many people do not handle emergency situations well.

If someone collapses in front of them, most will not call an ambulance. I saw a young woman collapse in a crowded party. She had overdosed on drugs. And many were laughing at her or just starring at her. No one was doing anything. I hopped over the counter and got security involved. An ambulance was called. The girl could have died if I hadn't done anything.

Sadly, that's not the first time I've seen people not react properly. I've seen an old man collapse in a park. No one did anything to help him.

A friend of mine told me that she saw a man beating up a woman on the street, but my friend didn't call the police. Another person I know didn't call the police when she saw an eight-year-old kid walking down the street with a hand gun in plain view.

People don't like to get involved, or they don't want to admit to what it is they are seeing.

So if you are ever in trouble, don't necessarily rely on other people to help you out.

Friends with Benefits

Remember that if you're in a casual relationship, kind of like the "friends with benefits" situation, it's probably not as great as it seems. The other person likely has feelings for you and is living in hope that your relationship will get more serious.

Happily Ever After

"I have now reigned about 50 years in victory or peace, beloved by my subjects, dreaded by my enemies, and respected by my allies. Riches and honors, power and pleasure, have waited on my call, nor does any earthly blessing appear to have been wanting to my felicity. In this situation, I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot. They amount to fourteen." -Abd Er-Rahman III of Spain. 960 C.E.

What a depressing thought, but probably true. Most of us will never be happy.

First Date Insecurities

"Do you like my stupid hair? Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear? I'm just scared of what you think. You make me nervous so I really can't eat." - Blink 182

Bad News

There is nothing more disappointing when someone cancels on you after you've been looking forward to hanging out with them all week.

When big plans are cancelled, it can ruin your day.

C'est la vie.

No more excuses.

When a guy doesn't call you when he is supposed to, cut him out of your life immediately.

Respect yourself. Don't make excuses for him.

If he truly liked you, he would find time to call you, no matter how busy he was. You would be the bright spot in his crappy day.

No more excuses.

When a guy doesn't call you when he is supposed to, cut him out of your life immediately.

Respect yourself. Don't make excuses for him.

If he truly liked you, he would find time to call you, no matter how busy he was. You would be the bright spot in his crappy day.

Alone again.

There is nothing worse than spending a Saturday night getting burned by some loser you somehow found yourself dating.

It is tough to, once again, have to tell yourself that you are great. It is his loss.

Then you think back to all the heartache you've experienced over the years and you ask yourself: "How much more of this can I really take?"

Half full

Why is it that realism and pessimism are considered one in the same?

Life isn't great all the time, and thinking that it should be, or will be, only sets you up for disappointment.

Why are we expected to be naively optimistic all the time?

A word of caution

"Bad habits are sticky. Be careful what you touch." - Life's Little Instruction Calendar, Volume XI

A friendly affair

Can men and women just be friends?

I suppose they can, but that doesn't mean the thought of sex with their friend has never crossed their mind.

Be honest! Have you ever thought about sex with a friend of the opposite sex and then went "nah!"

Just because you haven't, doesn't mean they haven't.

Your friend will never admit that they have either.

Sitting, Waiting

If you are single, female and want a challenge, try to live a full and eventful life without thinking about dating.

Liz Tuccillo, former "Sex and the City" writer and co-author of "He's Just Not That Into You," suggests that we do this.

What Tucillo is implying, but not saying is, if we focus on perfecting ourselves and push dating out of our mind, we will one day be unexpectedly blindsided by our true loves.

"We don't need to scheme and plot, or beg anyone to ask us out," writes Tucillo.

Parking Violations

I work in an office building that is isolated in a residential area.

There is not enough parking around our building, so today I had to park super far away.

Later, I found this typed note on my car:

"Could you please find somewhere else to park as we have no place to park when we get home from work. Our family have 4 different cars, so we don't think you would appreciate this in front of where you live. Thank you!"

My first thought was to go knock on this family's door and tell them "Tough luck! It's public property!" And from there I would tell them to go to hell.

Then, I was irritated by the poor grammar and punctuation found in the note. Can you spot the mistakes?

And by the way, there was parking available in front of and behind my car.

Should I be sympathetic to their situation? Maybe. I'm not the first one at my work to get the note.

But still suck it up. I would never put a note on someone's car, even if they took my preferred parking spot.

Idols

When it comes to shows like American Idol, its popularity is not necessarily based on singing. We'll watch the show, but when it's all over we won't buy the CD. After all how, many winners have gone on to have successful music careers? Not many.

We watch American Idol because the kids are chasing their dreams. Many of them don't stand a chance in hell of ever making it, but they are naive and will still chase those dreams. Others will go on to realize those dreams.

We all have dreams and that's why a lot of us watch the show. Maybe we don't want to be a singer, but we want to become something. On a subconscious level, we identify with those kids on American Idol.

We are all trying to develop some sort of talent. When we expose what our dreams are and pursue them, we become vulnerable. We can be criticized and shot down like the kids on the show.

But it is the kids who take that criticism and say: "Yeah, maybe I could use some work" and then go and do what it takes to improve. Those are the kids who succeed - the ones who never give up, the ones who use criticism and rejection as a chance to get better.

Of course, sometimes if you can't sing, you just can't sing, and you have to give up on singing. But that doesn't mean you can't work with music in some other capacity. Life should be about making the dream work, somehow.

Drinking

Apparently, a lot of people like to consume alcohol during the early stages of a relationship.

Alcohol takes the edge off and helps get the ball rolling, so to speak.

I guess dating is so uncomfortable in the beginning we can't do it sober.

What would happen if we didn't date and drink? Maybe a lot of relationships wouldn't happen.

Perhaps it is sad, but true?

Hanging Out

What girls really dislike are the beginning of relationships where guys just hang out with them on unofficial dates. The guy could questionably be interested in her. And their hanging out time could be seen as a date.

The girls want to seem casual so they don't ask where the relationship is going and the guys don't want to take responsibility for any feelings being developed.

And, if the relationship does not get off the ground, the girl wonders if the guy just decided that he didn't like her? Or was he too chicken to ask her out? Did he eventually give up? Did she not help him along enough? Should she have asked him out herself?

Hanging out time is confusing and frustrating for girls.

Point of View

Why is it that someone can comment that they are having a bad hair day, while you think their hair looks the same way it looks everyday, which is not necessarily bad.

What merits a bad hair day for them on that particular day if you think their hair looks the same as it always does on any day?

Individually, we do not view the world in the same way that others view the world.

Great Expectations

I think, if many of us girls lived our dating lives by books like "The Rules" or "He's Just Not That Into You," most of us would never have had boyfriends ever.

Okay, maybe the guys we date aren't that into us. But maybe they are just clueless about proper dating etiquette. Men aren't reading these rulebooks.

PAIN RELIEF

Why do injuries feel better after we put a bandage on?

I suffered a karate injury where my toenail was cracked off like a walnut shell. Painful? Yes.

But for some reason it felt better when it was wrapped in gauze and taped up.

Bandages must be psychological pain relievers.

Egos and Icons

The hardest thing to do is deliberately hold yourself back.

This means evaluating yourself and deciding you are not ready to proceed forward.

I had a karate test this weekend. But I opted not to evaluate because I knew there were things that I still needed to work on.

This was a difficult decision to make , especially when there is pressure from up and coming students that are racing to catch up and pass you in rank and ability. That doesn't mean I can't recatch up and pass them again later.

Rank is associated with ego. The faster you can advance the more you can hold over your daily opponents. (The people you train with).

But rank isn't what karate is about. Karate is a life-long journey. It is a sport that allows you to work at your own pace. If you want to learn, ego should be put aside.

Besides if you know you are not ready, why embarrass yourself by trying and likely not succeeding. Instead it is better to kick yourself for not working hard enough in order to have been ready and then vow that you will be ready next time.

Race Notes

Why do we always feel that we have to race and compete against everyone else?

Is life really a race against other people?

If someone younger than you has a better job than you, and makes more money than you, you suddenly become unhappy with your own situation.

You're older. How come you're not as successful as them?

But it's hard to compare yourself to other people, especially since we don't all start from the same place. Some of us take longer to find the right path.

It's more about the journey and not about the destination.

If you have to work harder, or it takes you a long time to get somewhere, when you find your success, you'll probably appreciate it more.

The important thing is not to give up.

Patience, child!

One of my karate instructors always says: "Patience is a virtue and a strategy."

But in everyday life patience is difficult.

I think a lot of us are hard on ourselves. When we don't accomplish what we want immeadiatly, in a day or a week, we get frustrated.

I constantly have to remind myself that I couldn't climb Everst in a day. It's impossible. The same holds true in everyday life. Things take time and you can't complete them until you are ready.

Romance

"When men attempt bold gestures, generally it's considered romantic. When women do it, it's often considered desperate or psycho." - Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Failure

Over the last several years, I've learned a lot about failure.

(Failure is such a dirty word).

When you fail at something you must decide: "How badly do I want this?" I was once pursuing something I thought I wanted, but failing in that pursuit woke me up to what I really wanted. After that failure, I dramatically changed my life's direction. That said, that failure is still too embarrassing and painful to talk about it, even though it got me on the right path. Very few people know about it.

Failure is also a wake up call. I've been studying the martial arts for a few years. When I went to grade for my brown belt, I thought I was so great. And then I failed the test. I was the only one in my group who failed. Talk about humiliating. I was angry and frustrated. My ego was shattered. I got over it and worked my butt off. I redid the grading and I passed. My karate is better than it's ever been, but I wouldn't have realized I needed improvement unless I failed.

Failure sucks big time when you're in the process of failing. But when you get some distance from that failure, you realize it happened for a reason.

Just do it

It has been said that asking someone out is like tearing off a bandage.

The quicker you do it, the better.

Just blurt it all out.

But unlike a bandage, which stings immediately, the pain of asking someone out will come much later.

Just do it

It has been said that asking someone out is like tearing off a bandage.

The quicker you do it, the better.

Just blurt it all out.

But unlike a bandage, which stings immediately, the pain of asking someone out will come much later.

Age

You know you are getting old when you start hearing Pearl Jam on the all-retro stations.

Bad Advice

I just heard an unusual conversation between two women in their late 20s.

One of them had never kissed a guy before and she wanted her first time to be with someone special. She also didn't want to be subconscious about her first kiss.

The other woman told her to ask one of her guy friends if he would practice with her, just so she could get over her fears.

The non-experienced woman thought this was a good idea and started thinking of guy friends to ask.

I wanted to yell: "No. That's a bad idea. What the hell are you thinking? You'll ruin your friendship by just asking."

Bad Advice

I just heard an unusual conversation between two women in their late 20s.

One of them had never kissed a guy before and she wanted her first time to be with someone special. She also didn't want to be subconscious about her first kiss.

The other woman told her to ask one of her guy friends if he would practice with her, just so she could get over her fears.

The non-experienced woman thought this was a good idea and started thinking of guy friends to ask.

I wanted to yell: "No. That's a bad idea. What the hell are you thinking? You'll ruin your friendship by just asking."

Tips

I hate tip cups in fast food restaurants. It's not like fast food workers deserve tips.

Usually fast food workers don't go above and beyond in doing their job.

Why should we give them money for being unfriendly?

Bad Service

I hate when service people do a bad job and then act like it's your fault when you complain.

Yesterday, I took my car into the garage. I could tell through the "watch-as-we-work" window that the mechanic wasn't doing what I asked. Not only that, he was doing his work poorly.

It became a question of do I say something now or do I wait until he's done to inspect his work.

I waited until he was done and looked at his work, then went back to his manager to complain.

The manager looked at my car and agreed that a poor job had been done.

I could see, through the "watch-as-we-work" window, the manager tell the mechanic. The mechanic swore about it. Then, he squealed my car back into the garage and re-did the work.

The manager was apologetic, but the mechanic wasn't.

I'm still waiting to see if the mechanic sabotaged my car.

Thinking

There is a certain point when you realize that you don't have anything in common with the guy you like.

In fact, you realize he's not that smart and kind of a jerk.

And what's sad is that, you know if he asked, you would go out with him anyway.

Thinking

There is a certain point when you realize that you don't have anything in common with the guy you like.

In fact, you realize he's not that smart and kind of a jerk.

And what's sad is that, you know if he asked, you would go out with him anyway.

Hunting Season

California radio personality Sherry Argov compares dating to hunting. A man gets satisfaction out of tracking and killing a moose. However, if the moose suddenly appeared dead at his doorstep, the man would not get the same sense of satisfaction. In fact, he would probably be disgusted.

The same is true with women, said Argov. Men like to woo women, but if a woman gives him what he wants too soon or is pursuing him, it's like she is that dead moose on the doorstep.

Giving up!

There is a time when you have to accept defeat and give up hope on your crush ever asking you out.

He's either too shy or he just doesn't like you, even if he's accepted invitations to go to movies with you.

It's depressing, but you have to accept the fact that it is not going to happen.

Giving up!

There is a time when you have to accept defeat and give up hope on your crush ever asking you out.

He's either too shy or he just doesn't like you, even if he's accepted invitations to go to movies with you.

It's depressing, but you have to accept the fact that it is not going to happen.

Meaning?

"All is fair in love and war."

Is it? For the most part, people can do whatever they want. Nothing is stopping them. Yeah, sure they might have to deal with the consequences later.

But what is fair to you might not be fair to the other person.

Is it fair to have an affair? Well maybe to you. Maybe you needed a break from the everyday as your wife was struggling with the grief of her dead mother. But was it fair of you to turn your back on her?

You can be persistent when it comes to winning a person's heart. It is only fair that you exercise your freedom of speech regarding how you feel. But it is not fair to the other person, when you don't respect their right to say no.

So do you worry about fairness for yourself or the other person?

Timing.

Timing is everything.

If you want to get married, you have to find a guy who wants to get married. You know, a guy who already has the house and career he wants. Find a guy who is happy where he is in life.

If you find a guy whose upgrading his education or thinking about moving to a new city then run, even if you seem to be perfect for each other. This guy is too busy thinking about himself and isn't ready to make decisions as a couple. Unless you're willing to make some sacrifices for him and he's willing to let you, it will never work out.

Stupid.

Why is it when you run into a cute guy, you're always doing something stupid, like buying a donut? (Girls aren't supposed to be seen eating sugary, fattening foods after all).

Weight

When it comes to maintaining my cat's weight, it is easy. All she gets is one cup of dry cat food every day.

Why can't it be that easy for humans? But when there is so much variety, and when restaurant portion sizes are always too big, and eating is such an important factor in our social gatherings, it is not that easy to maintain one's weight.

But if only it were simple . . .

Take your time

"Remember life is too brief and too beautiful to rush through it all out of breath." - Life's Little Instruction Calendar - Volume X1

Guess what I got for Christmas?

Post-boxing day realizations

On-line boxing day sales are not a good idea.

You order all this stuff because it is super cheap, but it doesn't get sent to you right away because the store is out of stock.

Then when it is finally in stock, and you get sent your order the shock of the low prices has worn off and you realize you just received a whole bunch of stuff you don't need, and, sometimes, don't really want.

Hot or Not?

"Sex appeal is 50 per cent what you've got, and 50 per cent what people think you've got" -Sophia Loren

Awkward Moments

I hate those awkward moments when you run into someone from high school you didn't get along with.

That person you don't like has to serve you in a store. And they know who you are because your name is on your credit card. You know who they are because they have a name tag. But yet you both don't acknowledge that you know each other.

The transaction goes smoothly. But nothing is said about high school.

What are you supposed to say: "I haven't seen you since high school. You used to be such a jerk back then. What are you doing now? Oh, working here. That's great."

When you get back into your car you double check to make sure the person gave you back your credit card.

On health fads...

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." - Mark Twain

Ogre Days!

Do you ever have one of those days where you sleep in? You leave the house knowing your hair is a mess and your clothes are a wreck. You spend the whole day looking and feeling like an ogre. And you can't wait for the day to be over so you can hopefully have a better day the next day.

Revenge

Remember, when talking to the ex, even when you are miserable, you have to make it look like your life is going well.

Like a good public relations person, put a positive spin on your life's circumstances. Everything is going great.

Smile, appear happy and rub what you can into their faces. Appear unphased when they tell you they are getting married next week.

The goal: Make them feel jealous. Make them feel like it's their loss.

Even if you don't ever want to date them again, even if you hate them for everything they did to you, you have to be the bigger, better person in an effort to add to your ex's pain.

Depression

Why is it when we are depressed we feel the need to call up the ex to see how they are doing?

We secretly hope they are more miserable than we are. Instead they are doing great. They couldn't be better. They are in a new relationship and having fun. It's sick.

If they were feeling miserable do you think they would admit it?

Not to you. Not for one second.

So why do we torture ourselves?

Commitment Phobes

I wonder if this quote from Rob in "High Fidelity" is telling of how men's fear of commitment actually hinders them.

"I can see now I never really committed . . . I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide by tiny, tiny increments.