Workshops

The dilemma I often face when going to a writing workshop is: "What work should I submit?"

Should I submit something good that might impress other writers? Or should I submit a horrible piece of writing that has been grating me and is in desperate need of workshopping?

I go with the latter. As a result, I'm sure there are a lot of writers I respect out there going: "Really? That girl's a published poet? Really? But did you just read what she submitted at that workshop? What a piece of crap!"

There can be no ego when it comes to battling your own worst nightmares . . . I mean poems.

The Unsung Hero

There are the obvious heroes in society--the police, fire fighters, the neighbour that pulls you out of your house in a fire...

I would add the tow truck driver to that list. Who else is going to come at 3 a.m. to rescue you after you've done something stupid, like hang your car up on a meridian?

Tow truck drivers risk their lives helping you in your stupid moments. I recently met one tow truck driver who got hit by a speeding car while trying to help another person out of a ditch. The tow truck driver flew through the air and landed on top of his tow truck, breaking his back. His nine year career as a hero ended. After three back surgeries, and two years of recovery, he now cleans used cars at a sales lot.

A few weeks ago, a submerged pot hole took my car out. Even though I know enough to drive through puddles slowly, my rim was bent and my tire was damaged. The tow truck driver who came to my rescue was able to assess the damage, which later saved me from being ripped off from the first mechanic where I took my car. That mechanic said my car was far more damaged than it actually was, in hopes of earning a few extra bucks from my stupidity. I got a second and third opinion and realized the tow truck driver was right and the first mechanic was a con.

Tow truck drivers, they're heroes. Because I'm not going to be able to pull you out of a ditch at 3 a.m., even if you offer me $80.

Life

"Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well." -Josh Billings

Terrifying.

They built a glass skywalk over the Grand Canyon. While I'm not typically afraid of heights, the thought of standing on a glass platform over the Canyon freaks me out.

Although, if given the chance, I would take the walk. Apparently, it's like floating on air, until the wind starts to blow and you have to grab onto the railing to steady your knees.

Get this. You only get access to the glass deck if you sign up for a $50 tour package. Steep.

Down with the sickness...

I've been really sick lately with a throat infection, which came with a fever. At my worst, I couldn't talk at all and my left eye was swollen shut. It was pretty disgusting. I'm only now starting to get better.

What I hate about being sick is that you have to vanish off the face of the earth. I've missed a week's worth of karate and I'm still not up to going again yet. Not unless, I want to risk having some sort of uncontrollable coughing fit or just plain out collapsing.

When I first started getting sick, it was pretty hard to slow down the momentum of my life. There was too much on the go. "It's just a soar throat. I'm fine," I said. But when people started telling me to go home, I had to pack it up. Now I'm just sitting and waiting for my body to give me the go ahead to resume my life.

Sickness is like an annoying house guest. It doesn't call in advance to let you know it's coming. At the very least, sickness could tell you when it plans to leave. But it keeps saying "just one more day."

Fatigue

You know you're tired when you almost fall asleep standing in a grocery store line up.

The asylum...

Do you ever feel like you've seen something that cannot possibly be real?

The other day, I saw a guy trying to clear the frost off his car windshield by blowing on it with his mouth.

No kidding.

And then the day after that, I saw a guy running down the street in minus 20 degrees Celsius weather with no shirt on.

I mentioned this to a friend of mine and he said he's seen all that before.

Really?

The straight and the curly of it.

There are two kinds of people in this world. Those with straight hair and those with curly hair.

I have curly hair. Up until very recently, my hair was very long. When it was wet and brushed straight, it was down to my butt. When dry and curly, it was more than midway down my back.

When curly hair starts to dry, the hair starts to curl more and shorten up, because the water isn't weighing the hair down anymore.

Most hairdressers have straight hair, so they don't get this concept.

So today, when I asked a hair dresser to cut my wet hair so it would hang two inches below my shoulder, it ended up hanging above my shoulder when it dried. Luckily, my hair looks okay. And, as a bonus, I'll spend significantly less time doing my hair in the morning.

Straight-haired people don't understand that really long thick curly hair can take up to an hour and a half to do in the morning. Most of that time is spent brushing it out. Today, it took two hair stylists 20 minutes to brush out my hair.

Now that my hair's short, it might take me 10 to 15 minutes to do my hair.

Straight-hair people don't understand that curly hair is a curse. I'm always told I have such beautiful curly hair, but people have no idea how much work goes into my hair.

Anyhow, the 11 inches of my "beautiful" curly locks that were cut off today are going to be donated to a wig maker.

The stylist just couldn't let my hair go to waste.

So weird.

The winner is...

I watched the Oscars for the first time in quite a while.

What made them enjoyable was the people who are overjoyed when they win. You know, the people who cry or jump up and down. It's nice to see people so genuinely thrilled, which can be a rare sight anywhere.

Back to the future...

Some predict that, in the future, computers will be smarter than humans, possibly within my lifetime.

Does this mean one day I can expect to be chased down by a Robert Patrick look-a-like, just because a computer nerd wants to live out some Terminator fantasy of his?

Damnit! This world is screwed up.

In scope...

A useful thought from my horoscope the other day . . .

"What others think of you is just a projection of what you think of you."

Buble Boy

I hate celebrities that whine publicly in an attempt to garner publicity, since any news is good news.

Recently, Michael Buble made headlines when he told Canadian Press he was going to boycott the Grammys because the award he was nominated nominated for -- best traditional pop album -- was not going to be given out during the live televised portion of the show. He also said Tony Bennett, who was nominated in the same category, was likely going to win, so there would be no point in going anyway.

Boo hoo Buble. Most musical artists aren't good enough, or don't have the sales, to be nominated for a Grammy, so quit whining.

Plus he said: "Red carpets suck . . . (People) don't know me. They don't want to talk to me."

Of course, people don't recognize you. You're a crooner and big band singer, plus you're Canadian. A lot of Americans aren't going to recognize you.

If you want to be recognized, join a boy band. Or you could just enjoy the privacy of being a lesser known celeb and shut up.

Buble decided to go to the Grammys in the end. The whole thing was probably a publicity stunt. But I say, if you're going to run your mouth, stand by your words.

Say when...

"My aunt would say, 'say when,' and of course, we never did. We don't say 'when' because there is something about the possibility of more, more tequila, more love, more anything, because more is better ."

Although . . .

"There's something to be said about the glass half full, about knowing when to say 'when.' I think it's a floating line, a barometer of need and desire. It's entirely up to the individual and depends on what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste, other times there is no such thing as enough. The glass is bottomless, and all we want is more." - Dr. Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy.

Ashes to Ashes.

Did you know when you die you can have your ashes painted into a picture?

You can have them embedded into a man-made ocean reef. You can have them put into jewelry and given to a loved one to wear.

Motorcycle Memorials provides a whole line of motorcycle fuel tank urns.

Some people like to have their remains packed into shotgun shells and given to a hunter, who will presumably shoot them into a deer.

Check out Funeria for urns shaped like a rocket and others shaped like a cigar. Talk about putting fun back into the funeral.

Remember folks, coffins are not called coffins anymore. They're vessels.

Weathering People.

There needs to be a weather forecast system for people.

One you could check before meeting up with someone. It would be nice to know if someone is going to be sunny and clear.

Storm warnings would be particularly helpful. That way no one could unexpectedly come in like a tornado, blow you over and be gone again, leaving you to clean up the disaster area.

Mind you, it's not always easy to predict the weather. Those dark clouds can sneak up from anywhere. It seems they can follow you.

Pain and Anger.

"There is no pain. Pain only exists if you allow it," says one of my karate instructors.

I agree completely.

Lately, I've gotten good at compartmentalizing both my physical and emotional pain.

It doesn't mean I don't feel. I just take a few deep breaths and let it go.

If you give into your pain, you run the risk of losing control.

I suppose the same is true with anger.

A crazy wacky world.

There are about 540,000 words in the English language, which is five times as many words as there were in Shakespeare's time, according to Richard Saul Wurman, author of Information Anxiety.

You can thank science and technology for this.

Wurman also says a week's worth of New York Times contains more information than someone in the 17th century was likely to come across in a lifetime.

In one year, an average person will read 3,000 notices and forms, read 100 newspapers and 36 magazines, watch 2,463 hours of television, listen to 730 hours of radio, talk on the telephone for 61 hours and read three books.

Add to that what you read on the Internet and it gets pretty crazy.

Purity and Beauty.

Albert Einstein wrote: “Mozart is of such purity and beauty that one feels he merely ‘found’ it–that it has always existed as part of the inner beauty of the universe waiting to be revealed.”

If only art were created that way.

If only we could stumble upon beauty or a sadness and turn it into art so easily.

I wonder how hard Mozart had to work to make his music seem so simple and transparent. Creating the illusion of simplicity often takes the most work of all.

When art is complex, it's easier for its creator to hide behind those complexities.

Dinged.

In life, always expect the unexpected--the annoyingly inconvenient type, not the happy good kind. (Expecting the happy goods, only leads to disappointment).

My car was backed into today by a monstrous SUV. It did some damage.

Luckily, the lady who did it was honest enough to go door knocking to find the owner of the vehicle (me).

I later spent an hour on the phone talking with an insurance person--most of that time was spent on hold, of course.

I now have to wait two weeks in order to have the damage assessed by an adjuster before I can take my car in to be repaired.

And I need to find a shop that does decent body work.

Damn the unexpected.

It's not easy being a fluff ball.

It's not easy being a cat with the whole hairball thing and all.

The other night I woke up to the sound of my cat retching. She was on my bed, so without thinking I pushed her off so she could throw up on the floor.

Afterwards I thought that wasn't very nice. I wouldn't like to be pushed off the bed if I were trying to throw up.

It's a good thing cats can land on their feet.