Social situations can already be awkward and complicated enough in real life, but taking them into the virtual world makes them even more so.
Take Facebook for instance. You write a question on someone's wall and, through the "news feed," all your shared friends can see you wrote that question. Then that question just hangs there unanswered. The friend, you wrote the question to, has logged on since. You know this because you can see they've commented on other people's walls. You, however, are being ignored by them.
Do you take this personally? Are they deliberately snubbing you? Do they not feel your question relevant? Do they just not have the time to answer? They've had the time to write back to other friends and maybe even upload photos onto the site.
They wouldn't have ignored you if you had asked the question in person. That's just plain rude.
Do social networking sites, which are supposed to bring people closer together, encourage rudeness, given the impersonal nature of such sites?
Given that you're snubbed on Facebook by a friend, what does that mean for your friendship with that person? If they can't make time to answer your question, maybe they're just not that into you, because your true friends will write back right away.
And what to do with those friends who are not that into you? Do you just not bother to make time for them. Certainly, you won't be asking them any more questions on Facebook, because it's no fun being ignored.
Bringing friendships into the virtual world is complicated.
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12 comments:
Complicated indeed. My Facebook life lasted maybe 36 hours. Within the first hour I was faced with a situation which left me asking the same questions. I'm still asking them. Within 6 hours the number of awkward situations multiplied. I decided to pull the plug and concentrate my energies elsewhere.
Facebook is as freakshow. The more outstanding question should be, "how do you quit Facebook once you've started it?" Baaah! It's weird--I find myself more dedicated to elementary school friends and sports buds than to anyone else.
Good for you, Brenda, for pulling the plug.
I have the same question as you anon. How do you quit? If I pulled the plug now, people would assume I was over reacting.
Mind you, there are good things about Facebook, like the fact it reconnects you to your elementary school friends... who you might not have ever seen or heard from again if it weren't for Facebook.
I think everyone needs to take a step back and realize that different people handle different situations on the web... differently... ugh...
You know, my wife gets all upset about the same thing. However, KA if you email me I may or may not ever reply to you. Same with Facebook. Sometimes, I like to be available, but not too available. So I purposely don't respond to some people. It might be rude. It might be my way of pushing against the immediacy that the web demands.
I don't want everyone to think they can have me when they want. I am a fickle digital character. :)
Hell, I get e-mails and just don't reply. I'll think about it but I won't. Mostly because they're slightly personal stuff, and assume way more than they should (the writers, I mean). I feel kind of bad about it, but I haven't taken any expectations into something so fickle and fly-by-night as FB, so I haven't been disappointed. BTW, Anon is Fez.
Well, Rhett that's all fine and dandy if the person is a casual acquaintance, but when it's a good friend, are you still unavailable? That's the question. And if you do choose to make yourself unavailable to a good friend, how should they take that?
anon, I don't worry so much about e-mails, because for all I know they got lost in cyberspace... but on Facebook, you know when people are logging on. You can see that people are ignoring you. And your unanswered comments hang out there to be ignored before the masses.
Do you actually believe people are shuffling thru other peoples' Facebook accounts to see if so-and-so's comment was replied to? "The Wall" is frivolous garbage that hopefully no one pays much attention to. I wouldn't lose sleep over it.
I know I don't, I hardly know it's there. I think you should take comfort in the fact that no one's watching. It may be hard at first, but becomes quite liberating once you learn to accept it. - Fez
True enough, Fez.
I'm generally a bastard to everyone :).
But seriously, if I have a good friend that needs to hear from me they can give me a call. I have a policy about the net and that policy is that... sometimes I reply and sometimes I don't. Unless you come to my website, then I will reply. I can't be everywhere.
Who can be everywhere? Really?
i'm quite enjoying my Facebook life! so fun to find people you knew a thousand years ago. the trick is not to take it too seriously. like everything in life, really (virtual and otherwise).
For sure, Kimmy
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